“What do you want from meeeeeeee!!!!????” I scream, while the computer is shaking and my hand is still burning from hitting the table.
I’m a mess. I’m hungry, tired, irritated and I can’t seem to find the one dvd Minki desperately wants to watch.
My almost 3 year old sits back – and calmly retorts: “Praat net mooi met my Mamma.”
Kapow!!! Kadoosh! Swoesh! I’m speechless. I’m officially the worst Mom in the world.
In my defense… It was dvd nr 23 and it’s still not right. It’s been a long holiday, where I poured all my love and affection onto her… It’s no excuse for my behavior. But it happened and I feel horrible.
I desperately want to be that mom who can spend the entire December holiday with her kids and at the end of the day (holiday)? Still look like a million bucks and speak as calmly as Krystal from Bachelor in Paradise. (Google her, her voice is making headlines).
But here I am, just Helene, not Calm Krystal from Bachelor (also I do not have her abs)! Starting out each day with the best intentions – and then it’s 11:55 and I’m done. I’m just done.
Please can we change your diaper? “No, no no!”
Please can we dress you? “No, no, no!”
What do you want to eat? “No, no, no!” Not really an answer but still no?
Me going to the toilet… 1 second later… “Moooooooommmyyyyy!!!!”
Me taking a sip of my first cup of coffee… “Mooooommyyyyy!!!!”
Me trying to send a Whats App… “Give me your phone!”
Me eating a sandwich (because I’m starving) – “Can I have your sandwich???”
Note: Not in a sweet “may I” voice, more like “You are giving me your sandwich right now, or else…”
Me trying to watch Binnelanders – I want to watch Thomas (Damn that silly train)!
Me walking with her outside in the blistering December heat – “I want to go inside!!!”
Me blowing bubbles – “They are not big enough!” Say what?
Me putting on a dress and attempting to comb my hair: “You look pretty Mama, where are we going?”
And just like that all the above disappears. She’s my little friend, buddy and companion. Yes, she’s the most demanding friend I have ever had, but in her defense she’s two and she’s figuring stuff (herself) out.
So here I am, finally having a minute to type this and I want to cry. I want to cry because I miss her already. I want to cry because I’m feeling guilty that I felt relieved when I dropped her off at school. I’m crying because I’ve lost my temper. I’m crying because I can’t blow big enough bubbles.
I’m a mess.
And right on cue my phone beeps. Staring at the Whats App picture her teacher just sent me, there’s my little buddy, playing and laughing – having a real good time. And I realise that I’m actually not that bad.
I’m just a Mom. And that makes me human.
Ps: Apparently Minki’s teacher blows the exact right size bubbles.
Pss: I actually love Christel and I secretly admire her.
Until next time…
Helene (& Minki)
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