Guilt. What is up with that? I’ve never felt guilt like this. Let me introduce you:
Mom meet Mom Guilt. Mom Guilt meet Mom.
It’s so messed up. I mean I literally give my life to this little human on a daily basis and I still somehow find something to feel guilty about. What the f***? Read about my 7 Lowest Motherhood Moments here (not for sensitive readers)!
Last week me and hubby went on an impromptu getaway (read hubby decided we NEED to get away NOW (either that or couples therapy) and booked our tickets to Cape Town. Most spontaneous thing I’ve done in 2,5 years.
Anyways it was great. No it was fantastic. We laughed, drank way too much wine, I got to sing out loud in the car (sorry hubby) and I realised that he’s actually (still) a funny guy and his eyes are (still) the most beautiful blue…
But there was a 3rd person with us on the road trip. Meet Mom Guilt.
Although I knew Minki was (more than) fine with granny, guilt was coming along for this fun ride.
The Mom Guilt Effect
While I’m sipping my wine… Guilt
While I’m on top of Cape Point… Guilt
When I see a Mom with her baby … Extreme Guilt (She travels with her baby, why can’t you)?
You are such a bad mom Helene! Bad, bad bad!
The cold shoulder…
Arriving home (after only 3 days), I was guilt-ridden and longed for my little angel. I jumped out of the car, presents flying everywhere. In my mind our reunion would look a little bit like Bachelor in paradise (you know the slow motion run toward each other, crying happy tears and embrace in a tender hug)?
Mmm… not so much.
Turning her head away – she said – Not you. Not you!?
Me, your Mom, the one who carried you for nine months, offered my once perky breasts to you for 13 months, cleaning your diapers (even the ones that go up to your back), co sleeping with you, the list goes on.
But oh no – NOT YOU!
Trying to hide my disappointment (and tears), I tried to keep my cool.
I’ve got the cold treatment the rest of the day, with Minki gravitating towards granny, grandpa and my sister. Even our dog got more love than me.
Late that night (after a horrible guiltridden day), she came to me and curled up on my chest. Her little arm creeping across the back of my neck: “Minki sommer hieso doedoe vanaand.” Translation: “Minki will just sleep here tonight…”
My heart melted and while she was falling asleep I cried…
But this time it was happy tears.
And when she was fast asleep, I curled up on hubby’s chest (perfectly in sync after our long awaited getaway) and realised why I just have to deal with the mom-guilt.
Helene (& Minki)
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